Law School 101

I served on an alumni panel yesterday for my JD alma mater's 1L Orientation. Looking around the auditorium, I could not help but think back to the day, five years ago, when I began my own law school odyssey.

There will likely be dozens of these same panels at the couple hundred or so law school orientations occurring over the next couple of weeks. If you are starting your 1L year, a couple of words of advice about Orientation:

1. People Are (& Are Not) What They Appear to Be... Case-in-point #1: There was an uber annoying woman during my 1L year that showed up on the first day in a chauffeured car, and tried to make friends by taking a group of people out to an expensive restaurant at the lunch break. She also pre-screened the 1L directory, and specifically sought out those of us that went to ivy-league schools to be in her study group (I pretended not to hear her when she approached me...). Anywho, turns out that not only was this woman psycho, but a pathological liar to boot (plus, she was not all that smart). She said that she was transferring to another school for her 2L year, however, good authority in the Dean's Office later told us otherwise. Case-in-point #2: A woman showed up to Orientation in a cheesy-Spencer-Gifts-t-shirt (e.g., "Mrs. Timberlake"), and I immediately thought, "Oh, God..." Turns out, five years later, she is one of my best friends from law school, and one of the brightest attorneys I know...

2. First Impressions Matter. It's not just about being professional at the activities that take place at the law school itself, but it's how you conduct yourself at the bar at night that can haunt you. Let's put it this way: I did not go out during Orientation, but I knew by 12pm the next day all about the woman in my section that had already hooked up with two other men from the other section... in the same night. Know this: Your reputation on day one is golden, but if you blemish it just once, your classmates will remember it for YEARS. Even if you are the Clarence Darrow of your class, people will remember you for your escapades, not your mind.

3. Hit the Books, But Not Too Hard. Get your first assignments done a couple days in advance, and go over them the night before. This will allow the readings to sink in for a day or so. Plus, you are likely to be a bit nervous the night before, and that is never good for retention. Don't show up the first day with the entire casebook tabbed; it's a marathon, hon', not a flashy sprint.

4. Faculty May Not Be What They Seem, Either... Just don't get high expectations. Not to be cynical, but that incredibly sweet professor that appears all perfect and inspiring and motherly may let you down in the end. Instead, seek out the professor that is kind but tough, the one who demands that you earn his/her respect but then, once you do, will bend over backwards to mentor you.

The kids in yesterday's audience seemed to think I was giving them some good advice, so I might add more as the year goes by...

Out of the Closet

Judge: So, what did you do this weekend?

Me: Well, Judge, I totally reorganized my closet.

Judge: Really... Well, you are a pretty organized person. I mean, it couldn't have taken that long to do, right?

Me: Au, contrare, Judge.

Closet before:

Closet after:


I rest my case.

My Moon is In the 7th House...

My horoscope for today (and yours, too, if you are a scorpio):

Follow all your whims today, and let spontaneity guide all your decision-making.

Sweet.

When Judge, however, asks how I reached my conclusion on case X later this morning, I am not going to let him in on this...

Summer Headnotes

The three songs that have been stuck on continual repeat mode for the past week:

-Paralyzer, Finger Eleven
-Read My Mind, The Killers
-Lovestruck, JT

With the sun, the heat, my quasi-convertible, the Bose... I am a happy girl...

One L(egally Blonde)

The WSJ recently reported that "Legally Blonde" had become this generation's "Paper Chase". Okay, that's scary. One Ls should not put either their faith or reliance in any book or film to prepare them for their first year of law school. That said, I enjoyed "LB", and what's more, I loved the musical! Download the musical soundtrack. After all, I think that you'll need a playlist to get you through finals. It's fabulous. Everyone should have a law school moment a la "So Much Better." My personal favorite number from the show, "Chip on My Shoulder," offers this jem:

Guess she got a chip on her shoulder.
Maybe some wise man told her:
“With the chance we’ve been given,
We gotta be driven as hell!”
She was something to see there;
I’m just happy I could be there--
First big test and she aced it!
She’s so close she can taste it!
She gotta chip on her shoulder
Guess you never can tell…
With little Miss Woods comma Elle!

Dear New Clerk,

Just wanted to share a couple of things with you:

1. We all know about the highly inappropriate message you sent to our outgoing colleague in which you propositioned this person for a night in your company. News Flash: You're no Casanova, hon... While those of us who know about it are HIGHLY amused, we can't help but wonder what who the HELL you think you are. I mean, really. Look in the mirror. Um, 40? A little pudgy. Weird lispy thing going on. Uh-huh. Do you think that you have a snowball's chance in hell with a gorgeous younger person with an adorable, successful fiance?

2. Your panache for finding typos is a great skill, and we can't thank you enough for your attention to detail. We are so better for it.

That's all.

Regards,
C.

If I Knew You Were Comin'...

Let's say you are sucked in, as I was, to the uber-cuteness of the new Williams-Sonoma Bug Cakelet pan... Once you master the baking/decoration of the bug cakes, then what? I decided to make a bug-cake-diorama, so-to-speak. The bottom layer is a double-chocolate fudge brownie.
It was super yummy, too.

Life is Good.

I got up Sunday morning and walked the grounds at M&D's, where I saw this open before my eyes in one of the ponds.
Life is good.

OMG!!! Give him "Taxman", please!!!

This guy, a TAX ATTORNEY, is allegedly the most successful contestant on the Fox version of "The Singing Bee." Here he is doing a soulful rendition of Aerosmith's "Don't Want to Miss a Thing".
Seriously, Paul Caron, what's the deal with this guy!?!

Rhymes With Tickle...

Are you a licensed attorney in the State of New Jersey?
If so, have you had the fun of attending the infamous, and required, Skills & Methods course (a.k.a, "ICLE")?
If not (and if you are planning on attending a taped session at Seton Hall Law School), let me provide a few tips:

1. Do the homework ahead of time and bring it with you. This is for two reasons: 1. most of the people will be sitting in the auditorium actually doing the exercises while the tape is playing, and if you have any questions, you can either ask them, or; 2. get the answers to any of your questions from the tapes. You *could* bring the materials and do the homework while the tape is playing, but I don't think that the seats are space-condusive for doing so and the lighting stinks. If you do opt for the latter, try to snag a seat under a light in the very back row.

2. If you do hang out in the back, be considerate of your neighbors. First, even though it's not a work week, please remember to shower. Also, that BarBri rule about stinky food should be reinstated by the NJICLE. Lastly, if you do engage in a full-out sleep, do not, gentlemen: 1. sleep on one's back and; 2. develop a clearly obvious protuberance. [Dude, some guy actually creeped up on you and took a cell-phone picture... eew!]

3. Bring a variety of reading materials.

4. Arrange to have friends call you with "urgent" news.

5. Bring caffeine. While the folks at Seton Hall couldn't be nicer, it's dead there and you'll have to trek over to some sketchy, Newark-hole-in-the-wall to get coffee.

That is all.

Ya Down With OCD?

So, I was away taking mandatory CLE all week... It occurred after checking into the hotel that I have two predilections. The first is that I am particularly oc when it comes to setting up a hotel room to accord with my sense of cleanliness and orderliness. This process involves home-brought disinfectant, scenters, drawer liners, pillows, etc. I know, I know... The second issue is that I tend to reduntantly collect technology (see fig. above). Yep, three iPods + iPhone (took the photo). Not to mention the pink cases. I am truly pathetic...

Power Blog! Power Blog!

So, I went to this very prissy all-girls high school where sports were required but the regular athletics period was pretty much a joke (thanks to a teacher who spent a great deal of the time regaling us with stories of her dating life). However, twice-a-term the head of school would pop around to observe classes, at which point said teacher would impose upon us an activity called Power Jog! Power Jog(!) consisted of our basically jogging at a normal pace around the gym and then every so often being regaled with her shouting "Power Jog!" I should mention that the soundtrack to this activity was Marky Mark Wahlberg's bustin' hit "Good Vibrations."

Power Jog(!) was akin to getting our whole "gym" for a term in like, a week. It was major catch up...

For my faithful readers (yes, a couple hundred a week, thank you very much), I'm makin' up for a week right now.

Hence, Power Blog! (you get it...)

"Who Needs The Kwik E Mart?.... I Do..."

While I don't think that my experience out at our local 7-11-turned-Kwik-E-Mart was as neat as SJ's, here are some photos from yesterday's chamber field trip!

I purchased the Krusty Os (cereal), a six-pack of Buzz cola, the donuts, and, of course, a Squishee ($15 total). For the most part, it was pretty neat. Every sign has been changed to reflect the show; even the ATM is labeled "Bank of Springfield." As an added bonus, the franchisee (Amir) was in the store, decked out in a full Kwik E Mart uniform, and generally acting the part of "Apu."

Amir informed me that while all of 7-11 stores will be carrying the Simpsons merchandise, only the "renovated" stores feature the altered exterior and interior decor . His store will turn back into a regular 7-11 next Friday.

How-To Headnote: Pepper Burns

Tis the season for making yummy, fresh salsas, or clarified jalapeno butter for corn-on-the-cob! De-lish! Last weekend I was making another dish requiring just a bit of diced jalapeno—Crab Avocado Tostadas with Chipolte Crema (so good…). Anywho, smarty-pants C here was all careful-like about avoiding the seeds after cutting the pepper. After all, the seeds carry the heat, right?!

Yeah, not so much… Turns out that I committed the worse error when I scraped out the innards of the pepper, parsing down the white, fleshy center before dicing away. You see, as I soon learned after my hand had turned bright red and started to swell as if I had just put on a boxing glove, it’s that white part that packs the punch, so to speak.

So, after throwing my hand into a Ziploc bag of ice, I called the “Ask a Nurse” line at my local hospital, and consulted the great Internet.

Here is their advice, which I followed (in order), and that did not work:

1. Ice, intermittently, for 10-minute periods.
2. Soak affected area in milk.
3. Soak affected area in lukewarm water.
4. Soak affected area in ice water.

Finally, I called the National Poison Control Center. At first, I felt sort of stupid, I mean, it’s bad enough that I brought the excruciating pain on myself, but it’s not like a took too much Nyquil.

Anywho, here is what the NPCC recommends in case of a pepper burn (and IT WORKS):

1. Go to pantry and get a large bottle of Vegetable or Corn Oil.
2. Place enough oil in bowl to cover affected area completely.
3. Soak hand in bowl for 15 minutes.
4. Go back to pantry and get a bottle of DAWN dishwashing soap.
5. Scrub affected area vigorously with a generous amount of the soap and water.
6. Rinse and repeat.
7. Repeat steps 3-7 until pain subsides.

It turns out that the oil draws the oil from the pepper (the source of the burn) out of your skin and the washing with Dawn (designed to ‘fight grease’) will break up the oil and wash it off the skin.

Works brilliantly. Hope I never need it again!

That is all.

Book Brief: Chambermaid

Dear Saira Rao,

So, I just finished your novel Chambermaid, and I must say, after all of my wishing and hoping that someone would fictionalize the life and times of a Federal clerk, your book has answered my prayers. Now, whether the rest of the legal community, let alone the general public, feel as I do, remains to be seen.

This said, I have a few questions/comments for you:

First, was the whole cheating-Pakistani-boyfriend-part a personal statement against arraigned marriage? If so, well played. I can sort of relate; some of my best friends have faced the same issue (with heart-wrenching consequences, I might add).

Second, did you happen to get a call from Judge Sloviter wherein she asked, "WTF?" Have other former or current clerks reached out to you to compare notes and sympathize with your experience?

I obviously understand and identify with your need to creatively vent on the on-goings of work-life. Law clerks tend to bond together but when, as in your case, the bonding process is plagued by difficult co-workers and a nightmare Judge, it can be difficult. I know, sister. I am right there with you. However, I just wonder what made you break the bonds of Law Clerk secrecy? I suppose you never intend to practice law again, right?

We are entrusted by our Judges (love em or hate em) to respect their privacy, and I hope that this trust is a two-way street. I mean, I think it is clear from your book that you felt trust on her part was clearly not present. I wonder, though, if your "real life" experience was worse that the book? Because if it was not, as I am inclined to think, I wonder if your account (albeit fictionalized) does not somehow sever that trust? And I am not talking about the narrative relating to how cases are reviewed and reports are drafted, as I think that those processes should be as transparent as possible. I am talking about your portrayal of the Judge as a person who did not seem equipped to take action when her demented husband is standing in a deli, in downtown Philadelphia, in his underwear, and in the middle of winter.

I, too, often wonder what goes too far here, but I am also not publishing a book, and setting it in a particular city at a certain court. I suppose that you reached a point where you knew you never wanted to practice again and so, sacrificed your career in law for one as a writer. I use "sacrifice" because I am just not sure if the legal community at large would respect your choices.

Lastly, and irrespective of the foregoing, I really did enjoy your book (far, far more than the ghastly "Ivy Briefs" (Book Brief forthcoming!) that I picked up at the same time), and it certainly gave me a bit to think about. I look forward to your next novel...

Cheers!
C. Erroneous

Are You There, Judge, It's Me, Your Clerk?

Seriously?!?!

J's door has been shut for most of the afternoon.

I last heard J talking on the phone at 11am.

It's been *dead* silence since then...

To top it off, I am the only one in chambers this afternoon. I wonder if J's taking a nap or (gasp) worse?!

Harry Potter Gradutates! Harry Potter Graduates!

Okay, while not to be a spoil(er) sport, I now am convinced that the Epilogue that I read online Tuesday night was the 'real deal'.

Both the Baltimore Sun and the Times have released reviews of the book:

http://www.baltimoresun.com/features/lifestyle/bal-to.potter19jul19,0,6775865.story
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/19/books/19potter.html

(Interestingly, the Times bought the book at a store in NYC yesterday.)

As a kid (hell, even now), I was a big fan of the C.S. Lewis's Chronicles of Narnia. If the Sun is right, and we see a Rowling-homage to Mr. Lewis in this final installment, I will be all the happier.

Curiosity, 1; Cat, 0 (Harry Potter, ?)

Just as I was about to log off of my computer last night, one quick glance at the Yahoo! homepage stopped me in my tracks...

"Photos of Harry Potter Book Leaked on Web"


Yeah, I know, if I didn’t want to know, I shouldn’t have gone there. I did.


After clicking on the Yahoo! News story (Yahoo! News is actually, perhaps sadly, a big staple in our house), I was re-directed via links therein to the actual site(s) containing the purported "leaked" photos from the book. Before me, lay photographs of the alleged Table of Contents and Chapter 7 and, oh yes, the Epilogue of the book. This "book leak" story is so big that even J knows the details. J asked me what I thought about the validity of the photos with *almost* the same seriousness as J asks about cases I am working on. Alas... Anyway, together J and I just perused the various Webpages touting their own "authentic" photos of the book. As far as I can tell, however, there are few of these sites still up and running.


I have absolutely no idea if any of the photos I’ve viewed or pages that I have read (yes, again, I know, I know) are legitimate. I think that the theories about all of these versions being the brainchild of Scholastic/Bloomsbury Press are somewhat far-fetched. I do think that if any of these are "hoaxes" that no matter who created them, the time, energy and creative thought that went into fabricating these examples is commendable.


I will, however, say this; If, indeed, one of these versions is the legitimate one, shame on the spoiler. Children have so little left as innocent surprise anymore. Why do it? Are you a disgruntled Barnes and Noble lackey? Were you not loved as a child? Do you need attention and constant validation?


And, for those who say (as one of the photo-posters remarked), "this is crap and there is no surprise and the book is a disappointment", I remind you that the HP series is, after all, a children’s series. Some modicum of what can be called a ‘happy ending’ should be expected.


As for me, whatever joy I had in reading the HP series might be over as soon as I walk into a bookshop sometime over the weekend and pick up a copy. If the first line of the Epilogue looks stunningly familiar, I’m afraid no spell will be able to bring that magic back.

Hah, Never Seen (K)ristal Pour Faster...

Although no teetotaller, I am not a big drinker... Remember the line from Grease: "I don't drink or swear, I won't rat my hair, I get ill from one cigarette (cough, cough, cough)." Yep, that's pretty much me. Then, I recently discovered Kristall.* No, not THAT one--this one! Truly, truly there is no finer bevearge. Let's put it this way, I braved the IKEA parking lot last Saturday just to run into the "Markut" to buy a case of the Kristall Pear. Yep, it's that good. Run, don't walk.

*Kristall is a non-alcoholic beverage. But saying that I am "jones'n for some Krisaalll" makes feel a bit like a lush.

The Cookin' Clerk

J is hosting a cookout/tennis tournament/pool par-tay this evening, and I am bringing the following:

Nigella's Pea, Mint, and Avocado Salad
http://www.recipezaar.com/45122

As a bright note to an otherwise ghastly week, I did get to perform some unique research for J this week including: How many tankers of beer can a full keg fill?; Social Host laws in State X; Tournament Rules for the US Tennis Association; and at-home breathalyzer tests.

Tonight should be fun.